I just gave my son his first slap on the butt. He’s three.
While I feel terrible about this, it was necessary. And I hope I never have to do it again.
For a long time, he’s been developing egocentric aggressive behaviors (hitting his nanny, destroying his sister’s games when he gets frustrated, etc.). My wife and I have discussed the issue with him, have given him timeouts, to no avail.
Apparently, he needs a stronger pain reference to help him make more constructive decisions in the future. Up to this day, he faced no consequence more severe than taking a time out when he engaged in aggressive or destructive behavior.
Now, he’s crossed a pain threshold. He knows he’ll have to deal with much greater pain if he engages in those behaviors again.
It’s important, though, never to punish physically while feeling anger or rage. In those cases, the punishment becomes destructive.
To me, the goal is not to punish or blow out some steam. Fundamentally, the goal is to create empowering references that will help him make more constructive decisions in the future.
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This is a super important parenting technique that I feel is being shunned in these times. I am happy you have the confidence to tell the world about it and that you emphasize that it’s no way to blow off steam. Thank you for sharing.